when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
