So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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