Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
