tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
