We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
