just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
