Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
