I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
