it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
