porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
