You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
