Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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