That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
