I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
