Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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