When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
