I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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