my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
