Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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