1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, beer. Big fan.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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