i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
