Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
