Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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