I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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