He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
