so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
