She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
