PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I party with great urgency now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
