god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
