just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
