i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
