as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
