Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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