So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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