theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
