Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
