I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
