this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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