guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
