I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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