She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
