yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
