That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
