so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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