I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
