u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
