please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize