Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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