I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You may now shotgun with the bride
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
