Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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