This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize