I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
