I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
