just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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