I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
