You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
