I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
