WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
