You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We talked him into tasing himself.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
