I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
