I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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