Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
