dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
another moral hangover. fuck.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
